“You’re not all that.” “Um you’re like a 6/10” “Stuck up much?” “Your attitude will scare people off”
There seems to be echoed sentiments that women deserve to be humbled. The minute a woman expresses confidence in herself or admires her own beauty, it's met with protest and defensiveness, particularly by men.
What makes women's confidence personal?
Even popular song lyrics, usually by male artists, idolize women who aren’t confident in their own skin. Lyrics like, “you don’t know you’re beautiful-that’s what makes you beautiful,” and “modesty is so hard to find” are just some examples that come to mind.
I think the current gender dynamic and cultural practice is threatened by the presence of women who are not dependent.
The “savior complex” manifests in not only an obsession with control, but also being the one to protect and provide. I think part of the traditional man’s purpose becomes confused and convoluted when a women does not need anyone else to validate, support, or direct them. It violates a sense of purpose as a traditional provider. Tempering with a sense of control and a sense of purpose is a much larger issue. The problem is, with the compounding influence of toxic masculinity, resulting behaviors can become defensive or even violent.
Last year, women started a viral social media trend in which they replied with agreement or simple gratitude to compliments from men. The responses were often atrocious. Even worse when a man was rejected. Even if the message right before the simple “no thank you,” or “I’m not interested,” was a deep proclamation of adoration and obsession, the following might be threats, retractions, slurs, or insults.
I think therein lies an entitlement to not only women’s time, but their attention as well. Their gratitude should be to men. When women recognize their own beauty, no longer requiring validation, no longer needing a savior, no longer asking for confirmation of their desirability, as is perceived to be their main source of confidence, is a threat to the traditional male identity. This is not to demonize the role of men in society. They are systemically groomed with a definitive notion of their purpose and women’s purpose within that. It's a systemic issue.
There’s a big different between cocky and confident, the biggest difference being that confident people are still teachable. They don’t think they’re perfect or invincible, but they know their worth and they don hold animosity toward themselves or others for that matter. Do not dim your confidence. We need to stop apologizing for it. We cannot allow ourselves to be guilted into a dull shine. You SPARKLE baby. Shine on magical unicorn.