7 Things Girls Wish All Boys Knew
Okay boys, let's chat for a second. Let's make one thing clear-this is not a "you're doing everything wrong, here's how to get the girl" post. This is about helping you guys see, from a girl's perspective, the things that actually stand out and the things that maybe you don't need to be worrying about. And who knows, something may surprise you.
I surveyed a group of 20 girls on things they wished they could tell guys. They came up with these basic points collectively, and I then ranked them on importance based on their scaled responses.
So, without further delay, here are a few things girls wish guys new.
1. Effort is important.
Girls can pretty much tell immediately when a guy doesn't care. One of the biggest tickers is smell. There's a reason girls love to steal their boyfriend's jackets and shirts. They feel like they have you there with them when they can recognize something of yours! A little effort into an outfit never hurts either. You don't have to try too hard, but don't not try at all. Girls can tell when you faked it till you made it, as I'm sure boys can too.
2. Eye contact
I can tell you right now that nothing is more attractive than when a guy can look you in the eye and give you his undivided attention. Sometimes, girls are bad at doing this for you guys in return. And it shouldn't be one sided. Eye contact makes a girl feel listened to and generally just feels warmer. Vice versa for guys. So treat others how you'd like to be treated!
3. Don't be cryptic and vague.
If she likes you, chances are she's shown your ambiguous texts to her mother, her friends, and her second cousin twice removed. She's got screenshots and voicemails and ruminates over the little details of words you don't even remember saying. It's so refreshing when someone just allows themselves to be direct and open about what they want. Once again, this goes both ways. Be honest about how you feel, what you want, and where you're at. Don't leave her hanging high and dry. It may not be the outcome you want, but at least you'll know.
4. The things that you think are "dorky" are usually what makes her fall for you.
That one time you got super into something and went on a total rant about it? Adorable. When you got so excited over that thing you love and fanboyed? You're golden. Fumbled over words around you? A beautiful mess. All the things you try to hide away and think that girls find nerdy or weird or obnoxious are actually the things that make us go nuts about you. I know for me there is nothing I love more in people in general than when they just start rambling on about something they love so much just because it's important to them. It gives you a glimpse into their passion and what makes them happy, which in turn makes us happy.
5. You don't need to be THE prince charming to be HER prince charming.
Guys get pressured to fit a certain mold. They have to have washboard abs, a chiseled jaw line, long and thick hair- athletic but sensitive, strong yet damaged, a "bad boy" but good hearted. Boys, be yourselves!
I could not care less what you look like because it's gonna be your personality I fall in love with at the end of the day, and the rest comes natural. On the other hand, you may meet someone who you think is wildly attractive and then not click with them at all. Beauty is so subjective. Therefore, it stands to reason that you can exist in any way you manifest, that you don't have to be a certain kind of attractive, and that if she deserves you, she'll see your depth beyond the surface. Same when it comes to girls, boys. Don't pass up somebody at a first glance because you think they're "not your type" or "not ______ enough." If you're not willing to hold yourself to the same judgment, don't impart it.
6. Stereotyping girls is just as obnoxious as stereotyping boys.
No girl likes to feel like you're pleasantly surprised when she's "actually decisive." No girl likes to be told that she's mature, "for her age." No girl wants a guy to say, "Wow, you're a girl and you're not dramatic? I really admire that." Likewise, girls can stereotype men as well. All the time, actually. Doesn't feel good, does it? Try to keep an open mind when meeting new people in general, and the result may surprise you.
The number one most agreed upon thing:
7. Boys. Girls don't expect you to do something elaborate for them all the time.
Especially here in Provo, guys feel pressured to come up with something really original and to spend a ton of money on their date to prove they care. Especially in committed relationships, the idea of giving gifts becomes a go-to. That's not to say that girls won't appreciate a nice gift here and there. It's just not the only way to make her happy and to let her know you care.
Have you ever heard of the five love languages? Physical touch, quality time, receiving gifts, service, and words of affirmation.
Mine, hands down, has always been quality time. For you it may be physical touch, for another girl it's words of affirmation. But for me and a lot of other women, nothing shows me that you care about me more than just giving your time to me. The best date I had recently was one in which we just went to a fun area and walked around. We hardly spent a dime, but we spent almost 5 hours talking. It was meaningful and simple. Men, you do not have to feel like you need something crazy fancy, elaborate, or ornate. Most of the time, if she likes you, she'll take any second that she can share with you. I'm serious. If it's bumming out on a couch and watching a movie, if it's going for a walk, if it's cooking something at your/her house, it's time well spent. Loving gestures from the heart always mean more. We just want you.
There are a lot more that I'm not even mentioning for the sake of time, but I hope you remember to just own who you are. I'm sure you have your own things you wish girls knew too, and I'd love to hear them! Point being, just keep doing you, boo. We appreciate you and even though sometimes we want to maim you, we mostly just want to love you. ;P